This is a letter to all the parents who feel they are constantly on the move, checking things off our mental list. We lean into that reality ourselves as we struggle to balance between busy and less busy. At this time of year life and all it entails speeds up. Days are unpredictable and filled with holidays, illnesses, deadlines, performances, and after-school commitments. But what if we tried to remember that simply sitting down for a minute with our kids, with our partner, our dogs, or by ourselves can make a sizable difference in how we parent and how we feel?
Being east coasters we recognize our lives are fast moving. The norm around here is to get stuff done and, if possible, get more than one thing down at once. It can feel like a source of pride when we’re able to “get it all done” in a day. And when November hits, this feeling can ramp up even more.
But over the years, we have realized this isn't necessarily the best for our families. Although we can plow through the shopping, cleaning, planning, and traditions of this time of year, do we enjoy it? Being early childhood teachers we have a bent towards the wonder and magic that young children love. Whether it’s a playful song or a silly tradition, we are here for it. And, for many of the things, we have found joy. Yet as our families have grown, we’ve been reluctant to let our traditions and expectations change. We hang on to the pace of this season even though it seems we are mostly doing it for ourselves. We set the pace and wear ourselves out.
It’s more and more apparent that our kids enjoy all of the stuff but they don’t really need it. But, what DO they seem to respond to and value? Time and attention from us.
That leads us to the wake-up call we’ve each had with our own children. When they said, “I never saw you sit down on the couch, Mom” or “Why are you doing all that?” We knew there was likely a different way.
We’ve leaned into letting go by pumping the brakes on our usual pace of the Fall and it's helped. And with that are we now blissfully “momming” through peaceful, placid days? No, we are not. This awareness doesn't mean we’re not still running around and planning holiday stuff because we both love it. But adding “hit the pause button” as a reasonable choice once in a while has made a difference for us as parents and for our families. This doesn’t come easily to either of us but, like any new helpful habit, we are game for trying.
Here are our favorite small ways we can connect with our children:
Reading together - whether to our child or alongside them
Watching a show or movie together
Sitting down to eat with the goal being connecting and being fed, instead of rushing and moving on
Not sweating it when we find time for ourselves to read, take a run, lay around and maybe look online for new jeans
Putting everything else down and truly looking at and connecting with our kids
Talk the talk and walk the walk by verbalizing when we need a break and then actually taking a break
So take it from us and our families, slowing down just a bit could make this hectic time more grounding and simple. How many times have we said, “I have to finish dinner, send this email about the holiday party, sign you up for basketball, grab a poster board, finish these cookies, venmo for the class gift, etc?” The truth is, your kids don't care about any of that.
They want you! It’s tuning in when they’re telling you about something, reading a book, sitting down and watching something, drawing, or just laying in bed with them. The last thing we want is for our children to grow up and think that they too need to go from one task to the next until finished without time for themselves and connection.
So sit on the couch parents and take a load off.
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