Friendships are an incredibly important part of our lives. Whether you are a young child or an adult, we all yearn to feel connected and welcomed by others. As we look at our students in the classroom and at our big kids at home we are struck by how friendships matter big time!
We are social creatures and friendships when we are young allow us to learn social skills, develop a positive sense of self, have empathy, increase happiness and foster a sense of belonging. Having friends is a very good thing for overall development.
Home life offers the first stages of building relationships. While parents and siblings are the foundation, it is important to allow children to stretch beyond their home to connect and play. Building friendships is a milestone for children, but it’s also impactful on families.
Friendships can enhance our families for the better.
Your kid’s friends are part of your family fabric. As your children grow up, these kids will be a part of your child’s support system. As a parent, the work you put into your children’s friendships has a potentially long-lasting impact. We find such joy when a child’s friend hops in our back seat and shares exciting news. Or when you know them so well that you buy the applesauce they like for when they are at the house. And as they get older, these are the friends that will text you when your kid's phone is dead and eventually will visit you every break home from college. Some of these relationships will last for many ages and stages.
As we’ve focused on raising our kids, we’ve realized there will be good friends, hard friends, plenty of laughing and tears, but it's all worth it.
Once you are a parent it can feel like you are enlisted in a social bootcamp. From the start, we are encouraged to foster friendships for our little ones. Coordinating and fostering these relationships for children is important, but it can also be intimidating and hard to navigate. This can feel way out of our comfort zone. Inviting people in to our home? Chatting with someone we barely know? Dealing with someone else’s child? Navigating helping our child share toys, space and our attention? It can feel like a lot.
And then, there are playdates. These can be a joy or a chore. We don’t all love play dates! Parents often ask us, “Do I have to have play dates?” Depending on work schedules, school, activities and siblings, finding a way to play with another child can be challenging. So, is it a necessity? It’s important to follow the lead of your little one. Some kids thrive in these kinds of play situations while others may want to avoid them. Finding ways for your child to play and interact with others is important, but there is not one way to go about it. Playdates can be at a park, at a coffee shop or at a play gym. Go with what feels good to you so you can focus on supporting your kiddo as they engage and play.
School is a goldmine for friendship. Once children are in school they are getting a lot of time to interact and form friendships. For some children, the time surrounded by peers at school can be enough interaction and connection. Other kids want and crave more - more play, more activities, more ways to connect. Either scenario is wonderful! And if you have more than one child you may find you have a mix of how children approach friendships. Go with who they are and what works for your family.
As fun as childhood friendships are, they can be unpredictable. Once your kiddos make friendships you will inevitably have some highs and lows. It’s exciting to watch these friendships blossom but what happens when the friends fight? Here are some tips for when you are consoling your kiddo.
Work and Play Tips for Friend Trouble
Try not to solve the issue- We may be naturally wired to help fix everything, but that can be less effective here. Ask what happened, and how it made them feel. Then, brainstorm or troubleshoot with them. If the situation is mostly at school and heating up, know that reaching out to the teacher as a partner is a great option.
Try not to be negative about other kids. As hard as this one is, it’s vitally important. Validate your kiddos feelings first and see their side. While we can be quick to defend, it’s best to do that with a trusted adult or partner rather than let your feelings show with your kiddo.
Give them skills. Once they have shared and you have sympathized and validated, share some ways they could work on the problem.
Model what friendship looks like with your own friends.
Be okay with what makes them happy. Some children like to have lots of friends while other children stick to one friend.
Work and Play Friends!
Comments