3 Ways to Step Back So Your Kid Can Thrive

Enough with the parenting scripts, methods, and labels. Let’s dig into the stuff that really works and helps us be the parents we want to be. Showing up in a way that feels authentic to you AND allows your kid to be the marvel they are is the ultimate combo we are all looking for. 

It’s counterintuitive as parents, but one of our biggest and best tools is knowing when to step back so our kids can thrive. We understand that as parents today, we are wired to DO - do the thing that helps get things done quickly and correctly. There is a place for that. AND there’s a place for us to sit down and see what unfolds. We’re not going to sugar coat it – this takes some self-control and practice. And everyone (you and your kiddo) may feel uncomfortable, but try to trust the process. We promise, this pays off big time.

3 Ways to Step Back So Your Kid Can Thrive

1. They can make choices. When they are little let them sometimes choose the snack or the outfit. When they get bigger, let them choose the backpack or the playdate. When they are even bigger, let them choose the team they want to play on or the class they want to take (or not take!) This builds autonomy and confidence; showing your kid you trust that they know what they want is crucial.

2. They can try it on their own. What can they do on their own? Clean up, get dressed, pack a lunch, get a water, hang up belongings, play and so many other things. Some things are non-negotiables (we fasten seatbelts, wear helmets, swim with an adult nearby, etc). But finding the things we can let them do on their own is key. It’s all about balance - not a free-for-all - we are the grown-ups, but kiddos can do lots of things on their own as they grow.

3. They can respond in their own way. We can be quick to speak for our kids. From the simple “say thank you” reminders to the bigger “you need to say you're sorry,” we can take over their ownership of how they show up. They might not say thank you or sorry, but they will if they see you do those things authentically and consistently. Show them what you expect and WOW, you will see them step up and reflect what is valued.

Where does this leave us as parents?

• Sometimes it will create a mess. Sorry, but parenting is, indeed, messy. Messes are temporary and fixable.

• We will need a “do-over” from time to time. We will step in and even do the things we are trying not to do. That’s ok. You’ll remember next time. And if our actions or words backfire? Ask for a “do-over” and for some grace. That’s a power move.

• It will not always be the right time to step back. Real talk: Sometimes what we say is the end of the conversation. There is not always time, space, or a need to step back. Sometimes we need to stay firmly stepping IN as parents.